TheFathlete.com

by webster's standards an athlete is: a person trained in exercises or games requiring strength, skill, stamina, etc. nowhere in that definition do you see a "refer to size chart at left." so i'm here to talk about my experiences as an athlete who never was, but is now emerging.

01 Jun 2012

That’s Life

well it has been around 2 weeks of gluten-free living for me.  i have to say all the fretting and complaining i did in the beginning was a little silly  now that i look back on it.  i was just really feeling out of sorts and deprived.  even though i hadn’t really given it much of a go at that point.  but now i feel more settled in & much more confident in being able to live life gluten-free.  who knows if i will need to, but if i have to i can.  that is a good feeling.  to know that i can adapt.  i have not always been as flexible in changing my ideals or lifestyle, but i will contribute my new improved attitude to running.  i have said many times and i truly believe that nothing will humble you like a good run.  you can be the most confident person in the world, or you could be like me and perhaps feel like the least confident person, either way, a good run will take you down a notch.  whether you are competing against others or just yourself.  the thing is that after all that effort, all the sweat, sometimes tears, sometimes blood, i feel humble-yet fabulous.  even if it was a “crappy” run.  i’ve had my share of those.  istill feel rejuvenated.  i feel alive.

there comes a point though that physical strength can let you down.  when you are sick or a loved one is sick, you can only be strong for so long.  it takes a toll on your life & your health.  that is when one’s true character emerges.  the physical falls away and all that is left is the core person.  your soul, your true being.  some are strong, some are frail, but at that point it is bare and honest and must be accepted.  you can strengthen that being just like you can strengthen the physical.  i have to say for me that is harder.  much harder than any marathon.  but the payoff-oh the payoff is fantastic.  you become someone you are proud of.  you no longer need outside validation.  you can look to yourself to complete what is needed/missing in your own life.  i struggle with this much more than the physical, but that is my weakness and i know it.

so i have survived the food changes, i have survived injuries, i will survive much more.  i am strong and i will continue to strengthen each and every day, each and every mile.  that’s life and i’m living it.

Posted in Daily Life, Food, Health, Like it or not I'm a Runner and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
27 May 2012

Seven & Half Miles in Heaven

i am the race director for a small local charity race.  this is our third year and so far it has included a kids dash and a 5k.  well i decided that since i live in one of the most beautiful places on earth and the race is already gorgeous, a longer race would give an even better opportunity to see more of it.  so a friend & i set out to measure the course yesterday and it was fabulous.  now i must say i slowed her down considerably.  i am not accustomed to running & talking.  i train alone.  so in my attempt to visit i kept running out of air & i walked a lot.  my slowest mile was mile four at like 14 minutes, i told you it was slow.  but it was also wonderful.  my shins didn’t hurt afterward and even though i looked like a walking tomato, it was wonderful.  we headed out at 7am, but it was hot by then.  an hour & half later, it was even hotter.  the course is going to be a 15 mile out & back run.  i am excited about offering it to my faithful runners.  so if you have nothing better to do on sept. 8, 2012, you could run with us at the Running of the Elk 5k & 15 mi Valley Run at Ponca, Arkansas.  100% of the proceeds benefit Arkansas Children’s Hospital.  for more info visit www.buffaloriverrun. com

it is a beautiful area, we run hwy 43 & 21 in Boxley Valley along the Buffalo National River.

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21 May 2012
5 Comments

No Longer a Gluten For Punishment

well i have been advised to go gluten-free by my doc.  i have to say when i first heard the news i was a little irritated.  i felt isolated, picked on, and deprived of something i didn’t know much about.  so i did some homework and tried to feel a bit better.  it took a couple of days, but now i am ready to get on with it.  ready to give  it a try to see if it helps with my symptoms.

a lot of runners are going gluten-free, scratch that, a lot of people are going gluten-free.  some have no idea what gluten is.  some think its a diet craze.  this is my take on it.  i think i am gluten sensitive or allergic, so i am getting rid of it for at least 2 months to see if there is any improvement in my life.  gluten is a protein found in wheat & several other grains.  it is what makes dough stick together.

Wheat is the third most produced cereal crop

now several people do lose weight on gluten-free eating plans, but there is a lot of high calorie, high sugar crap out there that is gluten-free that i will not touch.  just because the label says gluten-free does not mean it’s healthy.  so i will continue to read labels, eat fresh fruit & veg and eat our home-grown meat, but i am trying to eat a more plant-based diet.  i don’t know that i’ll ever be vegetarian, but i can see so many benefits from that lifestyle.  so for now just watching my grains closely and eating lots of fresh food.  which is a great way to eat.  i don’t feel deprived, isolated or any of that.  i realize that eating out will be much harder, but eating out is so bad-this may be a good way to break that cycle.

i feel a little overwhelmed with needing to change my diet, needing to lift more weights, needing to run more, being super busy with work and charity projects.  i just need to take a breath and enjoy life.  my new herb garden is growing and producing nicely.  i had a great lunch of corn tortilla, pepperjack cheese, cilantro, leeks, and avocado.  popped it in the over and it was really good.  well that’s it for now.  i will try to get back to running more often and longer distances and post more on my favorite topic….running.

Posted in Food, Health and tagged , , , , , ,
16 May 2012
2 Comments

I was spiralling, but I caught myself just in time.

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of F...

(Photo credit: epSos.de)

that title is a mouthful.  it is also the truth.  for quite a while now i have been in what i had labeled a “funk”.  but to be really honest, it was depression.  i have never been diagnosed with depression, but looking back on my life there has always been a side of myself i kept hidden.  and the reason was that it scared me.  i didn’t like it.  i was raised in a good Christian home and taught that suicide, mental disorders and the like was wrong and for those who were not “where they should be with God.”  i have heard the hell fire and damnation sermon regarding suicide and i do feel it is a horrible thing for anyone to suffer.  there are times though when you get so far inside yourself that you really can’t feel, see, hear, smell, or touch the outside world.  you get drawn inside yourself and there seems like no way out.  i have had the thought cross my mind.  once seriously, but for the most part my difficulty with depression was not about suicide.  that would only have others think even less of me than i thought they already did.  i would not want to be an eternal disappointment.  so don’t read this and think it is my way of reaching out for help.  it’s just me being really honest and getting some things off my chest.

as a child i never felt like i was good enough.  that continued into my teen years.  always feeling less than everyone else.  i was good at covering it up.  there was/is nothing i like better than making people laugh.  when you laugh you forget your problems.  i could make up stories and tell them on the school bus and have everyone’s undivided attention.  they laughed they cried, they enjoyed themselves.  and during that time i felt they were not scrutinizing me.  my chubbyness, huge glasses, braces, frizzy hair, none of that mattered when i was “entertaining” them.  but then came the dark side.  never being myself, because who would want to be around me, if i wasn’t “on”.  i always wanted to be a comedienne, because i could make people laugh and who doesn’t like to laugh?

i struggle with this to this very day.  not much has changed.  well the braces are off, i have contacts and luckily found mousse for my hair. but that same little insecure girl still lives in this heart.  she longs for acceptance and doesn’t seem to find it very often.  i try to entertain even my friends by often being the butt of my own jokes.  i think owning up to this self-destructive behaviour is good for me.  i am being honest and that takes courage.

this last stint with being depressed nearly destroyed me.  i was never so critical of myself in my entire life. i stopped blogging, i stopped running, i just wanted to be alone.  alone to wallow in my own misery.  nothing felt right.  no one could say the right thing.  i was just miserable.  but today while running, yes running, i felt something start to lift.  i was having a hard time running, but i was smiling.  i used to do that all the time.  no matter what hill, what pain, what weather, if i was running i was smiling.  and today i felt that feeling of being so out of control begin to lift.  it is gradual, but it has begun.  i am so grateful for that .  God lets us go as far as we possibly can sometimes to grow and see where we were and where we can be.  He is not a failure, so a creation of His is likewise not a failure.  I will remind myself of this 1000 times, but today it resonates.  i feel the load lifting and i am enjoying the feeling of just being me.

Posted in Daily Life, Like it or not I'm a Runner and tagged , , , , , , , ,
11 May 2012
2 Comments

What If????

oh how i love the what if game.  some have called me pessimistic at times.  i say nay nay, i am an optimist at heart on the things that matter.  i give people the benefit of the doubt-some call that being naive.  i just like to think that everyone is honest and tells the truth.  now i have been let down a time or two with that attitude, and fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, well you know the rest.  when i run however, something changes in me.  i have had some weird things happen when running and maybe that is why, but here is my list that runs through my mind at most if not every run.  oh and please i would love for you to comment below with your favorite or infamous “what ifs”  they can be running related or not.  i would just love to know that i am not the only one who plays this game.

WHAT IF:

  • every thing that rattles the leaves was in fact a snake coming after me
  • every van that drove by was in fact a “creeper van”
  • that car that doesn’t move over one inch actually clips me
  • i fall off the bluff dodging a car, could i pull myself back up and hobble to the fj
  • everyone that is driving by is actually judging me as harshly as i imagine
  • people actually knew the little mind games i play when i run “just make it to the next road sign….” would they have me committed?
  • i accidentally shoot myself with my pepper spray
  •  a mountain lion or bear jumps out of the woods and chases me?
  • one person who sees me running is inspired to try, to make the effort to do the same?
  • my shorts fall down
  • maggie gets to the point she can’t run with me anymore
  • i tear my feet again
  • i keep trying, keep making the effort and just enjoy life

they are meant to be funny, this is what lingers on my mind for almost all my runs and you just never know what will pop in there.  well that is the list for the day.  i would love to hear some of your what ifs.

Cougar / Puma / Mountain Lion / Panther (Puma ...

Cougar / Puma / Mountain Lion / Panther (Puma concolor) closeup. Philadelphia Zoo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Posted in Like it or not I'm a Runner and tagged , , , , , , ,
10 May 2012

The Little Things

growing up i was taught that the little things matter.  there was no such thing as a little white lie, a lie was a lie, no matter what category you wanted to list it under.  but it seems there comes a time in our lives that we want to be in control of things that we really have no control over or any business trying to control.  we just can’t help ourselves i guess.  we want to control everything.   from the weather, to the cost of food-we just want to rule over everything in our lives.  but i say there is a little bit of victory in letting go.

now i know i am not one to talk on this subject.  i am a micro-manager if there ever was one, but it comes at a price.  i am exhausted all the time.  there are times when my family looks at me with eyes that at times are full of pity and other times are full of contempt.  but i try, oh i try to take care of everything.  and there are times when that burden is too much.  i can’t fix everything for my daughter, life has it ups and downs and when i stand back and let her take the reins she is all the better for it.  that is a victory.

today i was up and at it early.  cabins to clean and boy did i ever earn my pay today.  YUCK was the word of the day.  some people are so gross and inconsiderate.  but there i go, passing judgment on someone else.  trying to control how someone else handles their stuff.  i packed a change of running garb so i could go straight to the highway and run after i was finished cleaning.  no excuses that way.  i have been in a running funk lately and i can feel it passing, but it has lingered longer than any other ever has and it was getting really annoying.

i stretched at the cabin and then drove to the highway.  eager to get started i began my slow little warmup shuffle.  truthfully most of my running is a shuffle-just different degrees.  but i am determined to get back at it and stop being so negative toward myself.  i am running with 20 extra pounds and my times are not that far off from a year ago when i was lighter and had a better mental attitude.  honestly just me realizing that fact is a little victory.  so i get started and it is hilly, but manageable, i run this road all the time.  i have heard in other aspects of life that the first step is the hardest, well for me the first mile is the hardest.  it takes me a mile to decide i am not going to stop, i am not going to die and that everything will be okay.

today as i finished my first mile my knee was a little  sore and my shins were hurting.  normally on this particular loop just as the one mile marker is finished i “make up time” running the down hill at the fastest pace i can.  today though i tried a different approach.  i just kept the same pace.  enjoying the ease of it, not killing my lower legs with running downhill and then needing to walk up hill at the turn around.  the turnaround for this loop is at the bottom of the hill and if i go all out then i usually need to walk a minute or so to let my lungs and legs have a break.  well not today.  that little adjustment made a world of difference.  i was able to keep the same pace up the hill and finish the run with out walking at all.  the last mile is almost 100% uphill and it was great.  i did 3.1 miles and though i wish i was going 5-7 miles a day, i did not let that victory escape me.  it was a good run, a good effort and a lovely spring day.  who could ask for more.

so the little things do add up.  i don’t mean ten “little” lies equal one big lie.  things like letting your child make their own bed, letting your husband cook his own meal (knowing the disaster that will follow), leaving clothes folded the “wrong” way instead of re-folding them.  those little things add up to a huge amount of peace of mind and satisfaction.  knowing that i don’t control the universe is a blessing and one i need to be reminded of from time to time.

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03 May 2012
1 Comment

Untitled

i couldn’t think of a title for the post, i guess i should just skip blogging today.  i am finally feeling a bit better and ran yesterday and today.  toadsuck race is coming up this weekend and i am getting excited.  i thought about skipping because i just haven’t felt “right” lately.  i am perking better and am ready to go for this weekend.  i think this is the shortest post i have ever created, so i will walk away now.  peace, love and happy running.

Posted in Daily Life
25 Apr 2012

Just Run

Posted in Like it or not I'm a Runner and tagged | Leave a Comment
24 Apr 2012
2 Comments

Look What I Found!

i ran for 30 some odd minutes today & look what i found!!!

smiley

smiley (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Posted in Like it or not I'm a Runner and tagged
24 Apr 2012
4 Comments

Unplugged or Unhinged?

i had a lot of time to think yesterday.  after the post about me being a little aloof about running.  i looked back on the time when i couldn’t run.  how much i missed it.  how i longed to run.  i think the idea of it had grown so much in my head that i didn’t take the time to realize that starting over would be hard.  yes i knew that, but i don’t know that i processed it.  i started to think of why i didn’t feel like running & what i found surprised me.  i seemed like the most prominent reason was that i didn’t like what others would think/say about me.  sound stupid?  well it is.  but it is also my reality.  judgment of others has been the deciding factor for most of the decisions i have ever had to make.  so by the evening i had resigned to the fact that i would run on the treadmill.  that would be the answer.  i could run & no one would have to see me doing it.  well that’s all fine & good, but then this little voice, this tiny but tenacious voice started whispering, then talking, and finally shouting at me.  “who are you doing this for?”  “why do you care?”  “you are of value”  “your feelings matter”  “hey there is pie in the kitchen”  well that last thought was counter productive, but it was there all day.  – and you know what? i ate pie.  all the while thinking, “take that thyroid, you suck anyways so there, i’m eating pie!”  smart? ugh no.  human?  i suppose.  but the pie is beside the point.

i decided i was disgusted with running because i hated what (i imagined) others thought of me.  in my mind everyone who saw me running thought:

  • whoa big girl running
  • why even try when you are that slow/fat
  • honey you need to keep on running right past the fridge
  • they make running tights that size??
  • do you get tired of turtles lapping you?

and why do i think these things?  i dunno.  no one has ever been this cruel (to my face).  no one but myself that is.  i scrutinize every bite, every step, everything i do.  and i am sick of it.  i am sick of this over-analyzing lifestyle.  tired of counting – oh the counting.  count calories, fat, protein, steps, miles, EVERYTHING.  i am tired of it all.

so here is how i am going to shake things up.  i’m going to have fun.  i’m going to eat real food, clean food and eat until i am satisfied.  i am going to run.  i am going to run in public if i want.  i am going to track my runs, but i am not going to look at the watch.  i am not going to monitor everything.  i am going to go run.  stop when i truly want to (not within that first mile or two that i always dread) and when i am done?  i am gonna plug my tracker into the computer and not look.  what the what?  yes i said it.  i will not look at my beloved data for two weeks.  that will be tough, but i’m gonna try.  that is about as “unplugged” as i am willing to do right now.  i am going to see if that helps my mood any.  my life should not be hinged to the number between my toes each morning.  my worth is not attached to how fast/slow i run.  what matters is that i am happy.  that sounds so foreign to me.  my life should be based on my own happiness.   what a novel concept.  i think i’ll give it a try.  Lord knows i’ve tried making everyone else happy.   so i’m giving it a whirl.  wish me luck!

 

Posted in Like it or not I'm a Runner and tagged , , , , ,

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